ADHD and working memory
Photo by Abraham Suna on Unsplash
If you are interested in listening to some experts on this topic. GREAT post here.
One maddening thing about having ADHD is forgetting things. I can hear you saying, “But we all forget things!” Trust me, not like “us.”
There is the daily forgetting. I can rarely just leave my house without realizing I have forgotten something. I meal plan, make a list, leave things off the list, or even forget something on the list I made AFTER getting home from the grocery store. The phone is the worst. I once drove several errands with my phone on top of the car. I was so confused because the car was recognizing and using the maps. Another device confirmed the location of the phone, but I could not find it anywhere. My husband came home from work and offered to help me look in the car. Thankfully, he is tall and could see the roof and found the phone on my car parked in the driveway. Wow.
Mind you, it’s all rather subconscious. It’s very normal for me to find half-finished tasks all over my house. I regularly don’t remember why I left this or that task. This is only mildly inconvenient, but I notice it more post cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). For the record, I remember loads of things, but my hyperactivity is in my brain which means I am constantly interrupting myself!
The hardest thing, and something that causes multiple fights between my family and I, is forgetting things I have said. You know how if you notice a pattern of arguments and are always one of the participants, it is something you are doing, right? This is one of those areas. My family gets so frustrated with me because I regularly forget things I say even after just saying it. At times, I mean, zero recollection, none. I am not sure if it’s part of the compulsion or speaking emotionally or just a brain thing, but it is an issue that I have had to just come to terms with. Maybe I could research it or find out how to overcome it, but I forget to do that. I have to remain humble and apologize when this happens, thankfully it’s not THAT often, but it’s there in the course of the family dynamics. I have to just deal with it as graciously as possible, which is sometimes easy and sometimes not.
Now, if I am at a job or in class, I can focus and lock in on what I am supposed to be doing. Sometimes, you go into what’s called hyper-focus when there is a project or creative task to get into. I used to hyper-focus for hours which would lead to forgetting everything else I needed to be doing. With CBT, I learned to regulate this to thirty minute blocks. Every once in a while I will need to work on something for hours, but on a regular basis, I have found it’s easier to put boundaries around the hyper-focus.
I have also come to peace with forgetting names or details about people’s lives, etc. I just have learn to ask questions if I need reminders of the details.. Is it humbling? Yes, but there is also a freedom in just being able to ask questions and to humble myself before people—humility is ALWAYS a good thing.
Most days I have learned to embrace my brain and try not to fight it. I have also tried to slow down and not rush so much, so I am able to say in my head, “Oh well!” when I have to go back inside the house for whatever I forgot —usually my phone. It does amaze me—everyday, really? Yes.
Ironic note. I wrote this 2 years ago and FORGOT to post it!! That is a case in point…
